Blessed By Opportunity

I’m conflicted.

Conflicted, because I’m not sure what scares me more: acquiring a well-paying, respectable job in Worcester, MA, or traveling the country – penniless, aimless, and alone.

Conflicted because I’m pretty sure the second option is the one that’s right for me. However, tomorrow I have an interview with a well-known company, and if they offer me a job, I know I will take it.

How different my life will be. Or… how the same.

I’m conflicted because the rational side of me keeps reminding me that I’m basically broke, while the spirit side of me reminds me that the road provides; God provides. I have never been without. And what I need, more than anything, is to keep my soul alive. To maintain the joy I have discovered these past couple years – the joy that comes with nurturing a courageous sense of self – exploring the world with my bare hands. Writing poetry with my actions, and with my words.

But I’m spoiled.

I’m spoiled, because I can even talk about such things. I have a roof over my head, and my momma’s pot roast in my belly. I have a father that pays my cell phone bill, and an education I acquired with the intelligence I was given by God. I have the opportunity to talk of dreams and spirit and adventure, because worries about paying the rent and feeding the children and keeping warm are not in the forefront of my mind.

So I’m spoiled. And conflicted. And a dreamer.

There must be a balance to it all. Usually, I can maintain some sort of equilibrium, but at a crossroads such as this, it is easy to sway with the winds of indecisiveness & temptation. However, it is equally as tempting to take a well-paying job as it is to traipse about the country. Conflicting sides of me have very persuasive arguments for either option.

In the end, perhaps it will all be completely out of my hands. In the end, perhaps neither option will be truly available to me. What I must remember is this: the beautiful fact of the matter is that I have options at all. I am blessed. I am blessed to have the opportunity… for opportunity.


2 Comments

  1. Povry said,

    September 28, 2009 at 5:30 am

    … and he replied “If only I had your worries.”

    How true is the fact that the road provides. The road we travel brings us everything we need, be it a kind hand while traveling or a well payed job. It will be just the thing we need and at any point can we change our mind and step away from the wandering or the job and attend our then truer role in this time of material world that us spiritual beings have decided to take part in…

  2. tony said,

    September 29, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    Keep on dreaming my 21st century female jack kerouac. you have traipsed a while I am sure and I love the pictures and tales that it has allowed you to provide us but I am sure that should you take this job or decide it is not right for you one thing is certain. Your decision is symbolic of you taking the reigns of your future. I don’t believe it is the material aspect that taking the job represents that attracks you. I believe that it is your understanding that a job = money = economic stability = ability to provide for oneself = freeing one’s spirit from the stress of the world. So whatever you decide, it leads to your creative freedom in the end.


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