Finally. Too little too late.

He made eye contact with me in this beautiful, powerful way. It was the type of eye contact you can’t look away from. The type of eye contact I’d been waiting for. It made me excited, and curious. And happy he was mine.

Little did I know. So much was behind those eyes. The truth sat there, bulbous and beautiful, filling his eyes with something dark and deep… something that drew me in and held me breathless.

The truth was that he wasn’t mine at all.

Blessed By Opportunity

I’m conflicted.

Conflicted, because I’m not sure what scares me more: acquiring a well-paying, respectable job in Worcester, MA, or traveling the country – penniless, aimless, and alone.

Conflicted because I’m pretty sure the second option is the one that’s right for me. However, tomorrow I have an interview with a well-known company, and if they offer me a job, I know I will take it.

How different my life will be. Or… how the same.

I’m conflicted because the rational side of me keeps reminding me that I’m basically broke, while the spirit side of me reminds me that the road provides; God provides. I have never been without. And what I need, more than anything, is to keep my soul alive. To maintain the joy I have discovered these past couple years – the joy that comes with nurturing a courageous sense of self – exploring the world with my bare hands. Writing poetry with my actions, and with my words.

But I’m spoiled.

I’m spoiled, because I can even talk about such things. I have a roof over my head, and my momma’s pot roast in my belly. I have a father that pays my cell phone bill, and an education I acquired with the intelligence I was given by God. I have the opportunity to talk of dreams and spirit and adventure, because worries about paying the rent and feeding the children and keeping warm are not in the forefront of my mind.

So I’m spoiled. And conflicted. And a dreamer.

There must be a balance to it all. Usually, I can maintain some sort of equilibrium, but at a crossroads such as this, it is easy to sway with the winds of indecisiveness & temptation. However, it is equally as tempting to take a well-paying job as it is to traipse about the country. Conflicting sides of me have very persuasive arguments for either option.

In the end, perhaps it will all be completely out of my hands. In the end, perhaps neither option will be truly available to me. What I must remember is this: the beautiful fact of the matter is that I have options at all. I am blessed. I am blessed to have the opportunity… for opportunity.