Precipice Between Awake & Asleep

Encouraged by my aunt, Heidi, I have finally been reading Sarah Susanka’s The Not So Big Life: making room for what really matters. Fantastic book. Oftentimes, when reading “self-help” sort of material, I get easily frustrated and annoyed, for various reasons: (a) often I find them cliché and poorly written, which naturally leads to me thinking (b) I could have written a much better, much more inspiring book, and therefore (c) I’m wasting my time.

However, from the first few pages I have been dually impressed and affected by this soulful, authentic book. Ms. Susanka has copiously collected experiences and moments from her life that, once synthesized, offer us a glimpse at the way life can be lived, and how very far societal norms and values have led us astray. Using her experience as an architect/home designer, she has applied concepts from her life’s work to create a brand new language for living. Through this, she teaches her readers how much we can grow, and how many ways we can learn, merely by being present to the unfolding moments in our lives. My frustration over not having written what I want to write, or not having expressed myself the ways I wish to, should not affect my ability to synthesize new information. Who knows how many opportunities for growth and beauty I have lost due to my inability to look past myself and my own insecurities and misplaced personal frustrations.

Everything I have been learning and realizing these past few years has led me a place where I am ripe with potential. I have been walking this fine precipice between Awake and Asleep. Occasionally I glance over the edge, terrified by all that the fall both has to offer and take from me. Sometimes I worry that if I step that next step, into the beautiful unknown, that I will be even more alone. I will be deemed that much crazier. However, a very deep and elemental part of me assures me this is not the case; it assures me that when I finally take that step, the world will be open to me in ways I never dreamed possible; I will be welcomed into the embrace of the Everything that Is. And I know, deep inside, that I truly can be that change I wish to see in the world.