Taking Care of mySelf

I’m a bit worried about myself lately. I’m not one to be a hypochondriac, but suddenly I feel like… like I could be dying, or something. Or as though there’s something terrible inside of me that needs to be healed. I could sit here and hope that it’s all  metaphorical, but I’m not so sure this time. I have a doctor’s appointment in a couple weeks, so hopefully that will help me sort things out.

I might have simply overloaded my body, physically. I’ve spent the last 8 days at the gym, for about 2-3 hours a day. It has felt amazing, but then yesterday my body became a bit overwhelmed, and sort of shut down, and reacted strangely. But today it’s snowing outside, and I’m not going anywhere, so I’m going to take it easy.

I’m trying to be as patient as possible, waiting to see what’s around the next corner in my life, but at the same time I’m ready to run around haphazardly and find it myself. However, the way the situation stands, it is much more pragmatic for me to take deep breaths and wait to see what cards I have to play with.

There are a few things I know I need, however.

1. Environment. I need a better environment to live in. The certainly includes my living space, but also the community. I would love to find a place to live that has a good music/arts scene, as well as better weather, and more potential for growth, especially spiritual. Which for me, specifically, would be a place surrounded by beautiful opportunities to be with Nature.

2. Writing. I need to be able to write, and pursue this most important dream of mine. I need to really delve into the process of writing, publishing, marketing – the whole bit. There’s a whole world involved here, and I need to immerse myself in it.

3. Good people. I need to surround myself with really good people – authentic, hard-working people, who make me smile.

4. Panda. Panda has to be there, too.

So that doesn’t seem like too much to ask, eh? I can certainly find that. I’m just really tired of people’s misplaced priorities, repressed emotions, and layers of bitterness. I know there’s a better way to live – I’ve seen it, I’ve done it, and it’s what I want for my life. Even if that means I need to live in a small cabin on the outskirts of society, I’m okay with that. There is so much Joy and Beauty out there – I’m sick of being surrounded by people who couldn’t grasp those components if they were in front of their face. I want to live in a different way. I want to reject all that is currently at the forefront of American society.

However, things may be changing. They may have to, and I think that’s a good thing. Our economy is suffering, and that could bring forth a lot of much-needed changes. A shifting of priorities could be a very good thing.

Anyhow, today is my day of rest. So enough thinking about all that. Perhaps I’ll write a poem. Or brainstorm for a new book. 🙂