Well, the big news in my life right now is that I submitted my book to Harlequin. Harlequin Historicals are currently accepting open submissions (I don’t need to be agented) along with the first three chapters. This implies that they must be looking for new authors… and it implies that I have a chance at moving forward with my dream. Even if I get rejected, this whole process has really opened my eyes. I want to write. More than anything in this world, I want to write.

And I need to write. If I don’t, I know my life will seem unfulfilled, and without purpose. God has bestowed the talent of beautiful words, and beautiful thoughts, in me, and I must translate them into the world, and make it (even slightly) a better place.

Christmas was enjoyable. I worked every day before and after it, but the day itself was very nice, as well as Christmas Eve at the Helbig’s the night before. It was nice to spend Christmas in Charlton with the family; it was warm and cozy and everyone basically got along. I’m shocked by the actions and words of my brother, though, who has somehow grown into a very selfish and superficial person… which I truly didn’t anticipate happening. But there it is. Sadly, he was one of the reasons I wanted to stay in Massachusetts, but now that reason has been taken from me, as well. I wanted as far from him as possible the other day. I’m saddened… saddened by who he is, and by how blind I was to think it wasn’t happening.

Well, big changes are in the works. I’m sure I’ll be back on to write my “End of 2008” blog entry, but for now, I’ll just say: Change is on the way. I’m half-terrified, half-excited by this prospect, but regardless, I know it must happen.

I haven’t come this far to stop now.

moderation misuse

I have the nagging suspicion that the coming month will pass with a blur.

I have done it again: lacked the patience to practice moderation, and inundated myself with life.

My days include full-time substitute English teaching (including Macbeth), 16+ hours of  sales representation at the Holyoke Mall on the weekends, finishing, editing,  and submitting my historical romance, Tupperware consulting, going to the gym, and acting in a play.

Whereas, three weeks ago I was sleeping in until noon and working one day a week… at best.

It’s called moderation, and I have apparently yet to master it.

This is good, though. Within the course of six weeks, I will have miraculously (okay, painfully) restocked my bank account, and as much as I sometimes refuse to believe it, money is good. In this case, money will allow me choices – it will allow me to step back and consider my options – perhaps move, perhaps stay, perhaps travel a bit more. Who knows. All I know is that I’m keeping my mind too busy (or too tired) to get very existential.

Of course, today as I was driving with Mom back home from work, I was sitting there wondering how people can just wake up and drive places and do things and not realize everything is completely pointless.

Other than those occasional thoughts, I’m perfectly content. 🙂

So yeah. Just a brief update. I’m feeling a bit lonely again (first time in a while). Mostly I miss the warmth of someone I care about beside me… and the ability to cuddle into them and breathe.