Autumn’s Awareness

I shouldn’t be writing in this blog. I should be writing. Creatively. I should be writing creatively.

I am aware that any writing is better than no writing, but I still feel guilty that I’m not putting my creative powers to better use. The other morning, while packing up merchandise for his and Lizzie’s California tour, Baba told me that Lizzie wakes up every morning around 5:30. TO WRITE. That is dedication, passion, and respect for her art, and I know fully well, as I have for months now, that it’s exactly what I need to do. I need to put the pen to paper, and write. And not about my feelings or my whinings or my day – but from the clandestine, beautiful recesses of my Soul.

Currently Dharma Dog is laying by my feet, snoozing. Which is far better than crying, which is basically what he did througout the entirety of last night. It reminded me of a babysitting job I had years ago where the little boy wouldn’t fall asleep and kept crying hysterically, and we both ended up on the floor crying and desperate. I think I got about an hour of sleep last night, since I also randomly became sick in the middle of the night. All of this led to me calling out of work, which is ridiculous since it was my first day of work in about six months. Which is terrible. But also sort of amazing. Haha.

I’m dog-sitting Dharma for the next week and a half, while Lizzie West and Baba are out in California helping to change and re-awaken the world. I was honored to have a wonderful night with everyone a couple days ago, where we made dinner and shared music, and Lizzie sat down and read the synopsis of her book to us. The following morning, I drove Cam (their fellow musician and friend) to the airport. It is absolutely refreshing to be around people who are so alive, and authentic, and using their voices to inspire change and Beauty. I am so grateful to have such wonderful people newly in my life, proving that even the smallest of moments can change the course of our steps on this earth.

I am already feeling terribly stifled here in Massachusetts. There is much negativity in this house, with my mother, and as much as I love her, I am afraid her home is not conducive to my newly-awakened Self. I am attempting to create an effective open dialogue with her, in the hopes that no drastic decisions need to be made, but I am simultaneously aware that I can not and will not return to the desperation of my life six months ago. To have traveled for the last six months in vain would be a travesty, and I therefore will take the lessons I have learned, and the windows of fresh air I have opened, and continue to breathe deeply of this life.



3 Comments

  1. Kara said,

    October 18, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    Yes. Please stop writing about wanting to write. Just do. You have a choice!!

  2. October 18, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    yeah. a choice to punch you IN THE FACE.

  3. Baba said,

    October 21, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Thanks for writing and sharing… It made us laugh and miss our Dharma so much…. Hope he’s been behaving himself a little better… lots of love…. Baba


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