Santa Fe, New Mexico

It was around 5 in the morning when the AAA guy, Andrew, showed up and assisted me. By that time, my car had also died, so he needed to jump start it, as well. Lots of fun.

It was about 30 miles to the gas station in Vaughn, where I finished filling up my tank, and picked up a Mocha Red Bull. The caffeine fix lasted about a half hour, and before I could reach Santa Fe I was crashing fast and hard. I pulled over to the side of the road (again), but this time the sun was rising (um, beautiful) and took a nap.

An hour and a half later, I woke up, refreshed enough to stumble through Santa Fe, recognize the excessive adobe-ness of it, find the cheapest motel I could, and crash.

After watching Rebel Without A Cause last night (which I maintain is a screwed-up movie. I also maintain that James Dean is delicious- I had never really experienced him before), I took a moment to relax enough to truly take in my surroundings. After feeling secure, I got out of my car, and stepped out into the middle of the road. At this time, it was about 4:00 AM, and there was a full moon illuminating the night sky. I could see the light bluish purple tints of the world, stretching down the expanse of road, and over the cactus and mesquite-covered plains. I could hear the crickets, and the birds, and the earth vibrating with presence. I took a moment to lay down in the middle of the highway (why not) and lay there, looking up at the moon. It was surrounded by the most incredible cloud formations, which circled around it in such a beautiful, delicate way. It was unlike anything I had seen. The wind was cool, and the night was numinous, and at that moment I could not have appreciated more the ridiculous, and essentially horrible, predicament I was in. Suddenly, the desperation of it became beautiful, and I allowed myself to appreciate that soulful, solitary moment between me and the world.

Later on, as I was driving towards Santa Fe, watching the sun rise, I also was able to appreciate the situation, Without everything happening the way it did, I never would have seen the sun rise in New Mexico, glowing red and pink and purple, and I wouldn’t have seen the deer frolicking or the cows grazing, or the way the light slowly exploded across the horizon.

And I wouldn’t have been able to pass out in my car on the side of the road, surrounded by desert and sky.