Reflections, Day 13

“You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart. Then people are going to treat you better. You’re going to find, yes you will, that you’re as beautiful as you feel.”

– Carole King

Last night involved karaoke. I want everyone to take careful note of the spelling of the word “karaoke”.

AND… that’s all I have to say about that.

But really, I sang karaoke last night – “Real Live Woman” by Trisha Yearwood and “Forget About It” by Alison Krauss. First one was fun, second one kinda sucked, but ya live and ya learn.

My favorite lines from “Real Live Woman”:

“And I no longer justify
Reasons for the way that I behave
I offer no apologies
For the things that I believe and say
(And I like it that way)”

The best part was when I was in the grocery store today, and these two guys walk by the aisle I’m in, but then suddenly one stops and goes “karaoke!” So I turn to him and he says “You sang karaoke last night!” I said yes, agreeing, a little freaked out, but then he goes “You were amazing!”

Yeah, that sorta made my day. 🙂

So I’ve finally figured it out: this place is a plastic factory. There is a warehouse on the far eastern side of the island, tucked away behind lots of palm trees and a couple great white egrets, where there is a high output of Barbie doll-like creatures in the shape and form (and relative size) of human beings. They come out tanned and svelte and potentially wearing thongs.

Once I figured this convoluted conspiracy out, I started to feel immensely better about myself. At least I’m real, right? I’m sure there’s someone out there who can appreciate that.

Hm… perhaps? Haha.

I think it’s getting to be time to move on; I’m getting far too comfortable here. Or perhaps I’m uncomfortable? I can’t tell. All I know is that I’m definitely dealing with some serious self-confidence issues (but I suppose now is the time to get that over with) and my heart is being weird and defiant and basically annoying.

Panda is also in the car, and she’s pretty pissed about that. Maybe all these weird feelings I’m having are merely feelings of guilt about leaving her in the passenger seat this entire time in South Carolina.

* * *

Just got off the phone with Joshua. I probably shouldn’t write this because he’s most likely going to read it and he’s already SO full of himself, but he truly is amazing. I can’t recall a single time that I’ve walked away from an interaction with him and not been grinning from ear to ear.

Except for that time I poured my heart out to him (delicately, into little Saki cups) and he looked at the beating remnants of my heart, all poured for him, and he said “you call that poetry? you call that Love? you make me sick” and proceeded to throw the Saki cups to the floor, which was made of porcelain and lined with crystal, and my heart-pieces shattered across the ground and were left there bleeding.

Other than that one time, he always makes me smile, and I’m ridiculously grateful to have him in my life.

I still have a text I sent him a little while ago which said “You had me pegged from that first moment in the coffeehouse,” which, naturally, was in reference to what a bitch I am, but the beautiful thing is I still remember that moment so well. He had a guitar and long hair and a heartfelt smile and a joy that radiated from his fingertips. I adored him from the moment that I met him. 🙂

For someone so soulful and connected to God, he is also very open-minded, and hilarious as hell (yes I said hell deal with it Joshua). He grows on me the more I get to know him, and at the same time I feel like I could never know him enough. He inspires me to want to be a better person – and that is a rare feeling for me. Not too many people inspire such things from me, for I look around and find very little to be inspired by in others. Yet Joshua is layered and he is lovely, and I love him to pieces.

And that’s all I’m saying about that. I’m obviously drunk.

Fine I’m not drunk I haven’t had a drink in days but I need something to excuse this random bout of kindness and sincerity towards Joshua. Lord knows he doesn’t deserve it. 😛

I suppose it’s time for bed. I doubt that I will follow through with that idea, but seeing as it’s before midnight (for once) it might be a swell idea. However, having written the word ‘midnight,’ now I’m thinking I’ll read another chapter or two of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, since I need to truck on through it before I head back to Savannah.